


病人？[Byounin?]

by PerthroSeidraikiri



Series: Catch me when I fall [KNK week 2020] [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Day 2: Hanahaki Disease AU, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Pining, Romangst, knksummer, knksummer 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25598383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerthroSeidraikiri/pseuds/PerthroSeidraikiri
Summary: Hands that are meant to kill, hurt, strangle and break apart have no right to look gentle like his do as Naruto’s own entwines around them. His hands are not meant for gentleness, but Naruto squeezes his hand gently, knowingly.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi & Jiraiya, Hatake Kakashi & Tsunade, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto & Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto & Jiraiya
Series: Catch me when I fall [KNK week 2020] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845013
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115
Collections: KAKANARU SUMMER EVENTS





	病人？[Byounin?]

**Author's Note:**

> T'is my second time writing hanahaki!!   
> It's a bit late,,, suddenly got busy again.  
> But swoop /0/ here you are.
> 
> sjhdfjkhskjf I enjoy when Kakashi's the one pining and ~~suffering~~  
>  Day ii: Hanahaki Disease
> 
> title: 病人？- (Byounin) - Am I sick? // Sick man?   
> [from the song : [Airhead /eve](https://youtu.be/AC98Q39t4HY)]

At first he thinks it’s a cold, maybe fatigue, the tightness in his chest, the slight more than usual exhaustion (Naruto takes up all his free time) and inconsistent headaches all point to him having either one.

But, he doesn’t get sick often—no matter how hard he pushes himself, no matter how much of a strain he puts on his body. All he ever gets are injuries, bruises, broken bones and fractures, but no colds, not the common flu, not even much of a headache. 

He knows how to take care of himself well enough to avoid mediocre illnesses. The simple things that can irritate people to no end, leave them sluggish and exhausted, constrict them from doing anything that may make them even worse.

This though feels larger than that.

It hurts worse, it smells like  _ blood.  _

None of it is normal. Injuries are better than this, he’ll take those over this any day. Take anything over the feeling of his heart shrivelling inside him, deciding one moment if it should combust or threatening to completely give up.

His throat feels numb sometimes, feels  _ painful _ like he's swallowed down a bag of nails. 

He sees blond hair, blue eyes accompanied by the brightest smile ever that Kakashi knows makes his heart flutter the moment he sees it. Makes him want to hide but sticks him in place at the same time. 

"Kakashi-sensei!"

The pain gets worse every time Naruto calls his name. Every time he stands by Kakashi, lips upturned in the sweetest smile. 

And it's not the big, wide blinding smiles that make his chest heavy. 

Not at all.

It's the small, true smiles that Naruto gifts him with every morning and every eve as he mutters,  _ 'Hey sensei.' _

His breathing stops during those small moments, the words die on his tongue so he nods slowly, forcing an eye smile. 

It hurts to breathe. 

* * *

"You seem under the weather." The statement quickly breaks him from his reverie, his eyes are stuck on his book, the words on the page are all blurred together, he looks up quickly, using it as a reason to look away. 

None of them are making sense anyway, his brain is processing none of them; all it keeps doing is constantly alerting and reminding him of the pain that flares every hour, every day. 

Jiraiya grins down at him, even though the concern in his eyes quickly diminishes the enthusiasm of it, he hides the worry in his own eyes.

He has a reason to hide his troubles.

"Ah, Jiraiya-sama. Back already?"

He hears a chuckle from the older man before the red of his suit shifts at the corner of his eye. The bench rocks backwards a little as Jiraiya sits down beside him, clasping his shoulder in greeting.

"Here to see the kid mainly." he starts, “Keeps holding me to treating him for ramen and you know Naruto and ramen.”

He feels a solid feeling sinking into his lungs quicker than the last time he had heard Naruto's name. It expands and the constricts, wrapping around his lungs and filling up every corner of his beating heart. 

And it sits there, sits and presses into his lungs with each passing moment as Jiraiya talks about Naruto.

"He'll be glad then." he chokes out, coughing quickly to cover up the slip-up. 

His insides churn, squeezing and tightening, but he adds, eye smiling again, "It's his day off today-"

"Kakashi, you didn't answer my question."

The bluntness in Jiraiya’s voice freezes the solid weight wrapped in his chest. 

What is he supposed to say?  He doesn’t even know how to persuade himself into believing what he’s feeling is normal.

What he’s feeling  _ isn't _ normal.

How is he supposed to confess that he’s been coughing up flowers.

Like having  _ flowers  _ growing in your lungs, twisting and squeezing, taking up every single space and making him  _ suffocate,  _ is something he wants to confess. 

To come forward with.

He knows exactly what he has.

"Fine, just enjoying my day off."

Jiraiya looks at him, obviously, he doesn't believe that. 

Doesn't believe the eye smile Kakashi gives him. Kakashi doesn't even believe himself. 

"You should see Tsunade about that." Jiraiya points out, standing up and giving him another little pat on the shoulder. Squeezing it to terminate any argument that pops up into Kakashi’s mind. 

Kakashi lets out a chuckle, what’s meant to be reassuring.

To brush off both their troubles.

To control the cough he’s been holding back for a few minutes.

But it makes itself known, his shoulders shake, his mask presses into his mouth as he tries to inhale. He bites onto his lower lip, the blood from the harsh and quick bite stains his mask. His legs tremble as he stands up, head spins as he steps forward.

"Kakashi-"

Jiraiya holds him up before he falls.

A petal presses against his lips and mask. His legs move first, apologies leaving his lips before he jumps onto the rooftops, wheezing. 

  
Tears springing to his eyes as he chokes.  


* * *

Sakura notices next.

Or well, she  _ warns  _ him. 

She eyeballs him with a scowl, an extremely displeased one that almost rivals Tsunade's. Her shoulders are squared and her arms are folded in front of her chest. He knows that pose, he knows that look.

She’s starting to figure things out.

And maybe, it’s his fault.

He hasn’t joined them for their weekly ramen dinners or lunches.

He disappears within five minutes when both his students pop out of the blue beside him, grinning at him like the teenagers they are with such mischief Kakashi has to take a small step back sometimes. 

“Are you avoiding us or something sensei? I know we didn’t work pretty well on that mission, but that client was pissing me the fuck off!” 

Evidently, Tsuande’s vocabulary has migrated into Sakura’s as well, “I couldn’t stand him! But I’m really, really sorry if we disappointed you! Or I disappointed you!”

He raises his finger to stop her and talk but she rushes over him, shaking her head vehemently.

“But at least don’t avoid Naruto!”

That punches his gut good. He pinches the side of his leg quickly. Distracting his body from the feeling that starts to rise up in his chest. Diverting its attention somewhere else, some other topic or person. 

“Sakura-”

“He did the mission pretty well, didn’t he? I mean, he was kind of taking over everything… But he was really excited—I mean! I was too, honestly, you know? But now he thinks you’re mad at us and he doesn’t even want to go for ramen during lunch anymore-”

“Sakura.” he interrupts, it’s quiet, but the raspiness in his voice gets her attention. She raises an eyebrow and then her face lights up in revelation. 

“You’re sick!”

He looks at her tiredly, his throat scratches but he quickly clears it. Pinches his thigh with much more pressure than the last. 

“So that’s  _ why _ you’ve been avoiding us? You know, I’m a medic-nin right?” she squints up at him, “and Naruto barely ever gets sick.”

He knows that. 

He wishes he wasn’t sick.

He wishes that the pain in his chest would just go away.

“I know that. I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been busy and Naruto or-”

Spots dance in front of his eyes immediately, the tightness in his chest bursts and he’s coughing, choking and heaving. 

Something clatters to the floor, hands quickly guide him to the bed he had been seated on before. He shakes his head, waving her off, trying his best to swallow it all back in.

The pressure, the breathlessness, the feelings.

But Sakura doesn’t let him. 

She presses him back down on the bed.

He tries to get up.

And unsurprisingly, he can’t.    


* * *

The next time he sees another disapproving glare, he’s in Tsunade's office, his shoulders tense and mind trying to catch up with disbelief that dawns over him. He looks up at her, deplored. 

“Tsunade-sama, I can’t-”   
  
“No.”   
  
“This is-”   
  
“Go home.”   
  
“It would be-”   
  
“And  _ rest. _ ”

He sighs softly, “I’m fine, really. It’s just a cold that will go away with time and a few pills.”

Tsunade leans back into her chair, her fingernails clicking into the desk rhythmically as she looks at him, one blonde eyebrow raised with enough judgement to waver every thought or excuse he has listed to reason with. 

“Three months, 7 days.” she states, the tapping gets faster. 

Kakashi looks confused.

“Since Naruto’s arrival,” she adds, and the horror that fills him only amplifies the pain that rips through him. 

His lungs squeeze, clench and ache, the air pushes out of him. Hacking into his palm, he’s suffocating.

He can’t breathe.

There’s arms around him once again, holding him up.

Kakashi wishes they would let him fall. 

* * *

The toilet bowl feels colder than his hands usually do.

The flowers that float taunt him.

They sprinkle and fall from his lips, making patterns and decorating his little bathroom with yellow.

Bright sunflower petals.

Scratchy seeds. 

He chokes, heaves tiredly.

Blood staining the rest that leave his lips and the petals red.

* * *

“Did I do something wrong?”

He sees the guilt on Naruto’s face before he even turns around to face him, he turns around slowly, summons his eye smile and raises an eyebrow, “No, not at all.”   
  
“Then why are you pretending like I don’t know?”   
  
His eyes snap open.

Blue eyes meet his own, they pull him in.

They make his chest flutter then sting.

Naruto’s lips are curled into a frown, his eyebrows are furrowed in confusion but his eyes hold so much concern.

And  _ realization.  _

“What do-”   
  
Naruto takes his hand.

His chest flutters, he feels like it’s about to combust.

He looks down at their entwined hands, the clenching feeling.

The pain.

The sting.

Slowly start to fade away. 

Hands that are meant to kill, hurt, strangle and break apart have no right to look gentle like his do as Naruto’s own entwines around them. His hands are not meant for gentleness, but Naruto squeezes his hand gently, knowingly. 

Every single pierce, clench or squeeze unwraps around his lungs when he slowly but confidently clasps back. 

**Author's Note:**

> uwu hope it was alright!!
> 
> Stay safe and take care!!  
> (it's almost 2am, I'm tired and I procrastinated a lot.)


End file.
